The Road of Trials
Defiance
Defiance is a beautiful part of healing.
It wasn’t fun - but you won.
So why is this victory so difficult to handle when you’re no longer in that traumatic place?
The answer: Your body got used to being in that trauma causing place.
When we are stressed as humans, the body reads stress, whether its long term or short term stress, as the same thing. The difference is that the body is built for short term survival stress.
Long term stress makes the body buckle down into survival mode. Its like hitting the gas pedal on your car. You’ll get out of the situation, but it burns more gasoline to get to the location faster and your car may not last as long the more time you spend going fast.
Survival from trauma is long term survival stress. Your body adapted to the go-fast-high-stress for a long term situation. It wasn’t fun, but you won by surviving. Unfortunately, your body wired itself into hyper vigilence survival mode. This is like adding a high quality racing fuel to a minivan. The van isn’t built for racing - but it will go fast and probably fall apart on the way.
Your body and brain were wired for fast hyper vigilence survival because of trauma. And when bad things happen, our bodies get stuck there. Its not faulty wiring - because it let you survive, but its also not the greatest for your physical and emotional system.
Now… I could give you all the sciency stuff and steps for calming your system down, but as great as checklists are, they won’t implement those things with empathy. In the healing process, empathy needs to happen, and we need to practice that on ourselves. So I’m going to let my dad and daughter archaeologist duo, Indiana and Emily Jones take over in piece of fan fiction from the sequel to The Sidenstrasse Tapestry. This is from The Seven Swords of Diya, also me writing fan fiction.
You won’t need to read the fiction piece, but I will return to it next week, because I want to show the power of story to teach, create and change things.
A bit of background… Emily Jones was trapped in a tomb cave in when she was four and has been terrified of small spaces ever since. Unfortunately the artifact she and her dad are searching for, is found in an underground cave system full of small spaces. Em is eighteen. Her father is in his sixties.
You won’t see it in this scene, but one of the scholars I often link to is Dr. Michael Heiser, and The Seven Swords of Diya incorporates a lot of his work. I wrote about him in a post. You can read it here.
You won’t need to read the bigger pieces to have any of the information. Again, if you’re not an action adventure fan, I completely understand, but if you are:
The Sidenstrasse Tapestry can be found here.
The Seven Swords of Diya can be found here.
IT WASN’T FUN - BUT YOU WON
(from The Seven Swords of Diya: An Indiana Jones Fan Fiction, by A. R. Mitchell)
Emily trembled, her eyes pressed shut, her heart thundering in sheer terror. She held her fists in front of her face clenching her fingers.
“Em?” Her father asked softly.
Indy knelt, blocking Em from the other’s questioning views. “Em?”
“I can’t do this!”
“Not right now you can’t,” he murmured. “Want a hug?”
She nodded. Then shook her head. “I hate this!”
Indy sat down beside her. “I’m right here.”
Emily turned and fell into her father’s shoulder.
Indy smiled and put his arm around her shoulders, waiting for the trembling to ease. He’d grown patience through the years of parenting. “Em, I remember a little girl who didn’t want to grow up, and now she’s an amazing young lady who is brilliant, charming, strong and talented. Remember what I told you then?”
“That I didn’t have to like it - but I shouldn’t let it stop me?” She looked up.
“Yeah. That’s it.” Indy lifted her hat brim. “The same thing’s true about fear, darling. I’m terrified of snakes, yet I got your mother out of a snake pit. You’re terrified of small spaces and you’re gonna get through this and then look back and say it wasn’t fun… but I won.”
“Didn’t I do that in the tomb when I was four?” The trembling returned. “And again when I was stuck in the crevasse outside of Kashgar? How many times do I have to do this?”
She pulled away from Indy and hid her face, “How does this look like a win? Panicking in a ball on the ground doesn’t feel like a victory!”
Her father’s voice was gentle, yet the truth cut through her pain and fear. “Em, the only way you lose is to not get out alive. Every survival is a victory.”
She still wouldn’t meet his gaze. “Then why does my body feel like it’s going to die every time I get into an enclosed space?”
“Your body is protecting you. I taught you self defense when you were little, because I wanted you to feel protected when I wasn’t around. Every person has a self defense system inside them. It may not look like throwing punches, but this trembling and shaking… it’s protecting you. Its a freeze reaction, instead of a fight reaction, like you prefer.”
“I hate it! It makes me feel like a wimp!”
“You’re not a wimp, darling, Emily. You’re my littlest artifact, and I love you.”
“How can you? This is horrible!”
“Because I can’t be angry at the little girl I pulled out of a tomb. And that’s where you go when this happens. As much as you’d like to be that brave capable young lady that you are - your inner little girl knows that she almost died in a place like this, while your adult young lady is ready to take on the world.”
Emily raised her head. “You’re not mad…?”
Indy smiled at his daughter. “Why would I be mad, Em?”
“Because… the other adventurers would be! They would gripe about how annoying females are and say I shouldn’t come along -”
“They aren’t lucky enough to be a dad,” Indy replied. “How are you feeling now?”
“Still mad at me.” She thunked her head against Indy’s chest.
“Aw, littlest artifact, this takes awhile to learn. But here’s the secret to: ‘it wasn’t fun, but I won.’” He eased her away from him so he could see her face and make certain she was understanding. “Em, if there was a little girl here, like your niece, Laurel, would you let her be scared?”
Emily swallowed. “No.”
He lifted Em’s hat brim slightly. “Would you yell at her about being scared?”
“No.” She ducked away from his gaze.
Indy’s voice dropped into tenderness. “Then what are you doing to yourself, littlest artifact?”
“Yelling at the tiny me?”
Indy cracked a grin. “And what should you be doing?”
“Protecting her and not being angry that she’s scared…?” Emily asked.
Indy nodded. “That’s my girl! I’m so proud of you for getting this far in the cave system, Em.” He kissed her forehead and pulled her hat back down. “Ready to go when you are, littlest artifact. And if you get scared, I’ll be right behind you to pull you back out of the tunnel. Just like I did when you were four.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
Next week, I’ll break down what happened in this scene and how you can apply it to your healing journey! Until then, sit with this scene, re-read it a few times, pay attention to your emotions and then next time you get overwhelmed or frightened - check in with your emotions and see if things are different.
Perpetual Disclaimer for this series:
I am not a counselor or a mental health professional. I am going to attempt to avoid things which will cause alarm or harm, but I can't know what will trigger each individual. If you need to speak to a mental health professional please know that there are resources available.
Your stories are amazing!
Chronic Writer